All the Feelings in Public (aka: why I won’t watch “The Fault in Our Stars” in the theaters)

Listening to: Lorde – Pure Heroine

Mood: Sincere

So, I have a confession to make. I have no plans to watch “The Fault in Our Stars” in the theaters. I know, I know. I’ve been hounded by so many writer (and non-writer) friends about how absurd that it. The book is so beautiful, and the movie is already coming out with high acclaim, and why wouldn’t I want to see it?

Listen guys, here’s the deal. I hate crying. Especially in public. I will physically avoid a situation if I think it might make my eyes water. When the ASPCA commercial comes on—you know the one with Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” song—I get up and leave the room (I still donate to the ASPCA every month so I guess their commercial does its job). Crying in front of people makes me supremely uncomfortable, so I don’t do it. Everyone's got quirks, this is one of mine.

I read John Green’s book (at home, of course) and it made me cry. To be fair it made me feel a lot of things that made me smile and laugh and melt. But I did cry. Not just a little, I’m talking a full blown out ugly, snot running down my face, swollen red eyes, gasping breaths, couldn’t even speak, kind of crying. I pretty much felt like the image above.

And I am absolutely certain the movie, despite that I know what’s going to happen, will make be a blubbery mess too. The Hubs thinks it’s hysterical that I’m willing to wait until the movie comes out on Blu-ray, even though I loved the book, simply because I don’t want to cry in public. But, that’s just the way I am. So everyone else can go watch the movie in the theaters, cry to their hearts content, tell me how wonderful the movie is. And I will wait. So that I can ugly cry on my own terms. In private.

After all, “That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.” I just prefer to feel it on my own terms.